Getting sober is fucking hard. Staying sober is even harder. I'm not going to suggest merely "getting help," because I've been there. I've woken up sick every morning, sometimes pissed at myself for not getting more booze for when I woke up. My life was also really shitty. My husband died, I had 3 kids to raise alone, super poor, and no friends family stuck around to help me. I would go completely batshit if there was construction outside that bad all the time. No really a suggestion, just a thought; Have you ever looked into ibogaine or ayahuasca? There have been some promising studies. If there I any way you can get on disability, you could take the money from that to mexico, and get that new life. I'm about to do that (minus disability since I get survivor benefits.) I hope things get easier, I know how hard that stuff is.